Wednesday, January 13, 20107.41pm post @ carol's blog.
whatever it is, whatever that may follow, i'll just have to remember that i'm still 21. right? ((:
was on the phone with edwin on friday and i released everything to him.
im really sorry for not sharing.
in this movie sisterhood of jeans
there was this girl, who always hurts her friends
more than those who were not close to her.
and her friends replied,
'because you know that we will always be here'
when edwin said that things between me and jordan
could probably end sooner or later,
i find myself thinking.. yea.
none of my relationships could last.
what about this.
even if it ends tomorrow, it would be okay right?
on saturday i packed my mum's curry chicken
and home-made sushi rice,
went to O bar to look for joby and sharifa (:
and i was denied entry -.-
they claimed that i have to be 20.
whatever joby and sha hasn't even hit 20.
so after a while of hangout i went to Barnone
as planned to pass jordan his meal.
because i don't wan him to eat Macdonalds
as We converse, i asked
'so when do you wana return to taiwan permanently?'
because he is going there soon during end of February to early march
because he told me he wanted to go and work there,
if you can speak english over there, your pay could be much higher.
he told me to go over also when i graduate.
he replied saying ' thats what i have been thinking about also'
i feels so crammed up inside, thinking
was it because of me he is still here?
i still have 3 years to go, i probably wana do my bachelors,
he couldn't possibly wait for me.
as i waited for his break in Barnone,
a million thoughts ran through my mind,
something like this could mean the end,
just like leonard whose work mean more to him.
Jordan could probably be the same.
tears unknowningly fell
as i thought of the worst.
i was surprised at myself.
because when i got bounced out of Obar,
joby and sha were questioning me about jordan
whether he was serious
was i well treated
its true i duno much about him
but somehow, i want to learn to trust him
because the person i am now.
is a person who doesn't seem to remember
how to feel.
often telling myself that
people out there are just deceivers
out for their own gain.
and i just told joby without hesitation at that time
at most we could just break up
but yet now, when i was thinking
about us.
why do i feel so upset.
why did tears immediately came after my
over-exaggerated imagination?
during his break, i told him
'you know,
its okay even if you suddenly say
that you are gona go taiwan permanently tomorrow.
you are 25, not like very young,
if im you, i will go too'
because my future's important.
just as important as his.
and he replied,' if i go tomorrow,
then it would be my fault already'.
if the pay there is not 1.5 times more than sg,
then i probably won't go.
but even if i do,
it would only be a year.
so when i come back, i can get a higher pay in singapore.
i just feel so much relief when i hear that.
and he asked what would i like from taiwan.
i said heels.
and he refuse, because
his ex gf once gave him a pair of converse sneakers before
and they broke up the next day.
with this, im assured (:
